Now all Kashmiri girls flaunt their Drabu account

During the recent pro-azadi rally in Kulgam, JKLF chairman Mohammad Yasin Malik said PDP’s marriage with RSS is a dangerous thing for Kashmiris. Most of the people will agree to that. He also said something else: On the one hand they [PDP] are marrying RSS and on the other hand they are saying they have an extra-marital affair with Hurriyat. This is debatable.
Now that this marriage metaphor is much in vogue, let us talk about it.
If PDP-Hurriyat is an extra-marital affair then PDP-BJP is a legal marriage? And naturally, PDP and BJP can have coitus without any shame and produce as many babies as possible, even without bothering about diapers, as Mr Drabu has already made them tax-free.
But the problem is that since Kashmir is a culturally and politically conservative place, any baby born out of extra-marital affair would be a disgrace. So, it is always advisable to avoid picking up wrong numbers and flirting with dangerous guys.
Now let us turn to the budget 2015. Mr Drabu is a talented person. I have been hearing this rumour from many days now.  But after going through his budget it seems he really has some talent. For example he presented women-friendly things: Baby girls will get good money, some 6.5 lakh of it when they will turn 21 years old. This is a noble mission. But we cannot avoid imagining certain scenarios:
Scenario no. 1:
Girl: Daddy, please get my phone recharged when you come home.
Daddy: What recharge! [Father is angry because he is stuck in traffic jam at Pantha Chowk]. How much you talk on phone. I am recharging your damn phone every day. [He hangs up]
Girl: Hello, hello…
The girl’s face assumes a sad expression and she says with a sigh, “Wai Khudai kar gass bu akwu” (Oh God! When shall I turn 21!)
Scenario no. 2:
Woman: I think we should marry off Saima Jan after she completes her graduation.
Husband: What is the hurry?
Woman: She is turning 21 next month after that we can withdraw money from her Drabu account.
Husband looks at his wife with a sneering expression and says, “You women folk are half-brained! We will open a fixed account in JK Bank with that money at a 10 percent interest a year”.
Women: Oh! I didn’t realize that. It is a terrific idea. You are genius. [she pours another cup of nun chai to him]
Scenario no. 3:
Girl: Janu, I cannot live without you. If my parents say no to our marriage I will commit suicide. We have lot of pesticide at home [the product she is talking about has no connection with Altaf Bukhari].
Boy: Hahaha, paagal ladki. Suicide times are over. We will run away and live happily ever after on your Drabu account.
Girl: I think I am okay at my home [she hangs up in a huff].
Scenario no. 4:
Boy’s father: My son is a KAS officer. It is not sahaal kathh. He has yezath among neighbours and relatives. Your daughter is like my own daughter, whatever she brings with her will be for her own good.
Girl’s father nods courteously and says:  But 10 lakh is too big an amount for us to arrange.
Boy’s father: Hahaha! What are you saying! She must have that Drabu account? Doesn’t she? [Asks curiously]
Scenario no. 5:
A women and her daughter walks through their neighbourhood with big shopping bags. Two women from a distance comment in hushed tones.
Women A: Look at their bags they have bought a lot of stuff from Lal Chowk.
Women B: Hmmm [making a face], they must have spent from her Drabu account.
Scenario no. 6:
At a tuition centre a grumpy female cleric in black hijab asks a girl.
Cleric: Why didn’t you clear your fees yet?
Girl: Ma’am, daddy did not receive his salary yet.
Cleric: So what! [A glowering expression on her face] We are not your naukar here. Why don’t you withdraw money from your Drabu account?  What is that for, then?
Published in Kashmir Reader on 26.03.2014:

Author: pasdarekashmir

A PhD candidate of Politics and International Relations in School of Law and Government, Dublin City University. Research interests: national movements, nationalism, media, framing, and discourses. Regular column: Yours Satirically (Kindle Magazine)

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